Sunday, June 9, 2013


Sometimes, when you wake up from a confusing dream, it leaves you with a clouded feeling in your heart all day. You cannot remember details of the dream. Some flashes, however, are vivid and you don't know what to make of them. As you get through the day doing your thing, slowly, life brings you back in its flow and the dream is now a distant one. Forgotten or laughed over or just kept aside.
It's just a dream, after all.

Except that this wasn't.

It felt like a dream and yet it was too real to be one.

It could not have been a dream because it felt so real..
And  yet so dreamlike.. like if there was a thin line between reality and illusion, i was on that line, in that void..

It was something I tried escaping from and yet longed for. I cannot make sense of it. And it has left me with a clouded feeling.. Should I  dig deeper or just let it go like I would, a dream? Will I make peace with it, ever? Will life bring me back in its flow, filling me up with love so that I forget it? Will I forget it? Do I "want" to forget it? No. Because I just can't let myself. Because it happened. Because I *know* it did. Some flashes are so vivid I feel them still. Especially when I go really quiet and can't feel anything else.

The flashes.. I want them to be real. They are real, but not quite. They are much like dreams but I know they aren't.

I want to *feel* them. Always.

They were the only comfort I had known.